Planning

Karen_Perea · **Posted:** 10 Jan 2009 13:43

OK....this may come across as morbid but I feel it is something that should be addressed.

Many people on this board have children. How many people on this board have a Last Will and Testament or a Durable Power of Attorney? If something happened to you what will happen to everything you own? What will happen to your children? What if you are unable to make decisions for yourself due to illness or injury? Who will step in? If your not married or have a child over 18 it will be a family member. Will it be the one you want?

I would like to recommend that everyone on this board prepare a Last Will and Testament and a Durable Power of Attorney. With the Will you can appoint one person to care for the children and one to care for the Estate (in other words the money/property you leave the children). That way the Aunt or Uncle or friend that is awsome with the kids can have them but the family member or friend that delights in managing money can handle the money.

OK, now the reason why this is here. If you have a Will and everything can be spelled out it will make the process go smoother and probating (giving everyone they stuff you wanted them to have) your Estate will cost a lot less then if you do not have one and everyone fights in Court for everything. Plus wouldn't you rather have the say in who has the kids rather than the Courts or DHS determining? Planning ahead for when your not here is not only sensible it is a way to save your family money even when your not here. I am sory if this upsets anyone but it is a topic that should be discussed by spouses and be thought about by anyone that has children. Preparing these are not very involved and an attorney can prepare a will and/or a Durable power of attorney for less than $1,000. (Usually less than that....I am just guestimating the rates of other lawyers also)

A Durable Power of Attorney only kicks in after a Doctor signs a statement that you are unable to make decisions on your own. Then the person you appointed can act as if they are you.

Karen_Perea · **Posted:** 10 Jan 2009 13:44

I forgot to ad, I work for a lawyer so if you want a recommendation I can give one but this is in no means an advertisement it is just food for thought.

ThunderSnow · **Joined:** 04 Jun 2007 18:51 **Posts:** 164

It is also important to have a living will this kicks in should you not be able to make decisions regarding you health.. Once you have this you should also let a few people know how you feel about DNRs and other medical issues should a family member have to face them. It helps to have others who can say yes this is their wishes.. sometimes when a love done is hurt we think with our hearts even tho we know what they want it is hard to do so you need to have more then 1 person know so that they can help.
With you living will you should also tape it in your own words say what you want and keep a copy of the cd/dvd with your written living will.
No one wants to think about death . But trust me when you are not looking something will slip into your life and force you to deal with it.
We plan for everything so why not death and medical decisions.

bkokc00 · **Posted:** 10 Jan 2009 15:26

i agree with everything said here, even though i don't have any of it, always plan on getting around to doing it, just hadn't done so yet.
This hit home a couple of years ago, my boyfriends dad was in the hospital, kidney failure. The doctors gave him 2-3 days to live, so we told everyone to come. So now we had my boyfriend there, his sister, and 2 brothers. His dad said he didn't want medical treatment, he was in and out of it, so we asked several times at different times to make sure that that was really what he wanted. Of course then someone said..well shouldn't we do anything we can..etc..Now the debate started, what is the right thing to do. This is exactly the reason you want this written up, your kids and family will be confused and not know even if you say what you want, we were discussing if he really knows what the outcome is etc. It's a hard position to be in.
Also if i remember right (i used to work in a hospital), if you select that you don't want cpr etc, if you end up in the emergency room they will still try to do whatever they can to save your life, put you on a respirator or whatever needs to be done till they get in writing that it is against your wishes.

Frugal Fraulein · **Posted:** 10 Jan 2009 16:14

Agreed with the others.

Another thing to think about (as advised by my friend who owns an estate planning law firm): if you don't have the time, resources, whatever to do this all formally and in-depth, the state of Oklahoma also recognizes holographic wills. That's to say a handwritten and notarized statement of how you would like your estate handled, children, etc. I have this for my children stating that in the case of something happening to me, it is my wish that custody of my children go to their step-father. I also have statements from my closest relatives, mom and bro, stating that they are aware of my wishes and will concede. Of course as far as children go, the courts will always try to take into account the best interests of the children but will usually favor a nomination by the deceased (or disabled) parent.

ThunderSnow · **Joined:** 04 Jun 2007 18:51 **Posts:** 164

when it comes to where children go after you leave. There is a chance of a fight so and it can get messy The best way to avoid this is to do what we have done. My children are all grown but my brother has little ones My hubby and I are their guardians We went to court and are the kids guardian so lord forbid anything happens to my brother and his wife The kids are already taken care of This did not cost to much money Just court fees a paralegal did the paper work but ya can find anything online now a days.. This was done because both my brother and his wife knew if anything should happen to them then it would be a big drawn out fight between his and hers family so it got settled while everyone is alive and well. It did cause hurt feelings but the family has had time to see and understand and they know That I will be the ones to carry out their wishes and I get along great with both families so that helps.
The judge told us that this was the only way to make sure the kids went to where they wanted them to go......
i would highly recommend EVERYONE with small kids sit down and do this..

Karen_Perea · **Posted:** 10 Jan 2009 17:35

The licing will is a fill in the blank form. It can be found for most states by googling it. Remember also when preparing a Will. If you have 5 children and do not put the names of all 5 kids in there it can be declared null and void. This is why it is important to have a professional prepare them. You would say I am a married/unmarried male/female. I have x amount of children living, more specifically ________, >>>>>>>>, ??????????. I hereby exclude __________ from reciving anything in my will or whatever but everyone must be named.

On a side note if anyone is doing a holographic Will I am a Notary and can notarize it for you. Just let me know and I can bring my stamp home.

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