how'd you get in my head?! goodness, I have been there (still there in some areas). I will pray for you, because it takes God's help for sure. I am learning to not let things get to me, but its a process. I finally accepted that I was slowly killing myself with all the stress I was putting myself under. I also recognize that its a weakness that the enemy is using to pull me away from God.
There are things I would love to forget, but that is not necessarily part of forgiveness if that makes sense
it stinks that sometimes we are not allowed to forget, but it does serve to strengthen ourselves and our faith.
I pray that God will lead you to be obedient and willing to His call. Sometimes He uses things we wouldn't expect to teach us how to overcome our weaknesses (like obedience to Him).
Also, if you have a church home, you might have them pray for you too. I know its hard sharing our imperfections with others, but sometimes it helps to have others pray right there for you. And sometimes in the process you help others know that they are not alone.
SAHM of 5
Do not rob the poor because he is poor, And oppress not the afflicted at the gate.
For YHWH pleads their cause, And shall plunder those who plunder them. Prov. 22:22-23